Starting at the beginning of 2011, I jumped on board the get fit train, going to gym regularly, swimming, doing circuits and on odd days using machines. Over the last few months I transferred to the let’s take this thing more seriously train, with proper workouts and focus on individual muscle groups. But navigating these waters without previous jock experience can be treacherous.
Firstly, using weights brings all sorts of unexpected problems into the mix. Most guys want to use the biggest weight they can pick up, and by using the power of the horrifyingly awkward grunt, lift it for all to be impressed. This brings out the classic dude gun show. The one who has the biggest arms, the smallest vest, and lifts the biggest rock wins. It’s frightful stuff. In fact it’s apparently better to use light weights and good form than to hurt yourself trying to lift the weight of a car every time you want to exercise. But what do I know? I’m probably the smallest guy there.
The weights issues don’t stop there. Keeping the weights off the ground can be a bit tricky, especially if the rings used to secure the weights are not that tight. On an attempt to lift what’s called an EZ bar, trust me there’s nothing easy about it, one of my weights slid off missing a true gym jock by just millimeters. Shortly after that I found myself tripping over weights left lying around. To top it off, today I dropped a 12kg weight on my toe after thinking it would stay on the bench I had just placed it on. This jock stuff is hard.
Besides the treacherous gym environment, trying to get involved in other physical activity has it’s own set of problems. I’ve always wanted to learn to surf, but man can the ocean be a miserable old cow. She’ll smack you off that board and drag you to the next pier before you can think about how awesome it would be if fat people wouldn’t wear Speedos or Bikinis.
Then there’s the awkwardness of the online world. As your body moves from average healthy person to fit person, you begin to feel more confident in your own skin. Unfortunately this makes those that are insecure as jumpy as a cricket in spring. Suddenly sharing pictures on Facebook, causes these trolls to jump out from under their bridges and ferociously tap at their keyboards, accusing you of flaunting your newly found one millimeter of extra muscle. Hey, how am I supposed to get that underwear modelling contract if you keep cramping my style? Don’t you want me to be paid to sit around while people tell me how pretty I am? Shhh, let me dream.
Though the jock life may be tricky to handle, being active and getting out the house is worth it. You’ll have more energy, you’ll smile more, and you may even get a second take from a pretty girl. OK, probably not, exercise won’t make your face any prettier, but you can always cover that. Marc.
Check out this funny advert of an overweight dog, getting fit to chase a car:
I was reading the news on Google when the first Apple phone was about to be announced. There had been an avalanche of rumours, all pointing to Apple entering the highly competitive market. I noticed a link to a live blog of the event and clicked it, not even knowing what live blogging was at that stage.
At the end of 2010, I wrote that it had been a hard year of life lessons. In hind sight, 2010 was a merry skip through the park in comparison to 2011. I stupidly hoped that 2011 would teach me more, in the New Year I’ll be wearier of what I wish for.
People fight over it, they steal it, they’re envious of others with more of it, they pity those without it, they throw it in the air, they work their entire lives for it, and it has the amazing ability to disappear faster than a small chocolate cake at a fat kid’s birthday party. Money. The root of all evil, the devil’s secret weapon, worshipped by some and hated by others.
