Archive for the ‘Lifestyle’ Category

Christmas 2011

Saturday, December 24th, 2011

 

 

Christmas is not necessarily the day Jesus was born. It is not known exactly why the day was chosen, some say to coincide with a pagan holiday, others because it was nine months after the supposed inception. More importantly, however, it’s a time set aside to celebrate who Jesus is, what he did, and the lessons he taught us.

 

I was handing out pamphlets in the mall yesterday and was surprised by the sad and grumpy faces passing through the doors. What happened to, ‘tis the season?’ We’re so busy rushing around that we don’t take the time to enjoy life anymore.

 

December is the best time of year for South African’s, the best weather, long holidays, and the freedom to do whatever. So where’s the ‘Christmas Spirit?’

 

This year let’s love and forgive each other, let’s smile more, laugh more, let’s go out of our way to help others and let’s appreciate our family and friends. Much love Srizzilers, Merry Christmas.

Would you like to sample some sunscreen?

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

People fight over it, they steal it, they’re envious of others with more of it, they pity those without it, they throw it in the air, they work their entire lives for it, and it has the amazing ability to disappear faster than a small chocolate cake at a fat kid’s birthday party. Money. The root of all evil, the devil’s secret weapon, worshipped by some and hated by others.

This very evil thing has forced me from my break in the working world and into a new job, promotions. I’ve done the Blockbusters video store thing, the work experience thing where you get paid nothing to do hard work, but I’ve never done promotions. I’ve waved them off in many a shop with a flick of the wrist and an increased pace but I’ve now become one of them.

Last week I crawled out of bed at the crack of dawn and trekked a great distance to a shopping centre in another town only to be rudely shown the door by the manager of the store. “I don’t want any promoters in the store today.” A where’s the manager game and a signature later my first promotions gig had gotten a false start.

Jump forward a week and I was at COP 17, the UN’s climate change talks, handing out brochures and carrying boxes for the department of environmental affairs. Getting to experience walking through my own city, something I’ve never really done as a white South African, looking around the exhibits and working with some chilled people where just some highlights. I could get used to these kind of jobs.

The next day I was back in another town, in a small store, peddling samples of sunscreen and educating those who cared to listen on the UVAs and UVBs that were killing them. I began to get annoyed by the sound of my own voice as I offered sample after sample to innocent shoppers for the four hour stint. We proudly sold quite a few bottles and wrapped up with a swift signature by the store’s manager.

Although not the ideal job, I’m not one who enjoys promoting products I don’t really care about or use, it’s perfect for the extra year I’ll now have as a student. Damn you honours, damn you.

Honours exams, Steve Jobs’ death and BB woes.

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

One might liken the nine or so months of UNISA’s accounting honours to being pillaged by ruthless criminals continuously in a fiery pit, and one would be spot on. However the frightful wait for results and the prayers for a miraculous pass still hang in the air like a bad odour. It’s been over a week since the final blow in the epic beating that the final exams distributed, and only now are my senses beginning to awaken with my creative mind stirring from its slumber.

The last week however has brought news that has shaken the world and revealed the stupidity on which it lies.

Steve Job’s death was a terrible blow on my joyous first day of holiday. I find myself saddened by a man’s death whom I never knew, but who I’ve watched with admiration since the launch of the iPhone. The only Apple products I’ve had the privilege of owning are iPods, all of which were gifts. I’m oddly obsessed with a company whose products I can’t afford, but who can blame me when the shiny Apple logo mesmerises my battered mind?

Then of course there’s the disgusting episode with Blackberry’s RIM. Not disgusting because of what happened, but disgusting because of how people reacted. With the internet service down loud morning and gnashing of teeth ensued on social networks everywhere. Really, we should have all been rejoicing that the evil technology monster that has consumed our lives was injured. Instead people everywhere jumped onto those strange computer things and wailed at the loss of their so called social lives.

This also allowed the opportunity for technophobes everywhere to jump on the band wagon and whack each other with a proverbial I told you so stick. As if they themselves created the products they mindlessly worship, the all out war for who has the better product had a douse of fuel added to its fire.

With an entire month at my finger tips I plan to march on with making great videos and then begging people to watch them. How fascinating we humans are that we need constant praise from our peers. By the way, if you just read this, you must be extremely good looking. I’m going to go look at myself in the mirror, you have yourself a good day.

How to become a jock

Monday, April 11th, 2011

Although most would deny it, becoming a jock is on the top of everybody’s to do list. Most are just too lazy to follow through. If, however, you’ve decided enough is enough, this list of essentials on how to become a jock will help you achieve your goal.

 

Step 1

Make sure you have a gym contract. Go to the gym once or twice a week and pretend to work out. A little sweat is recommended for full effectiveness. If you are too lazy to work one up, take a walk passed the water fountain and splash some water onto yourself.

 

Step 2

Catch a tan. Nobody believes a ripped guy is a jock if he’s paler then St Teresa. Go to the beach. This is the perfect spot to show off your jock skills and get a tan. Pull out a ball, and kick it to a jock friend at short distances. This will ensure you don’t do anything stupid like drop the ball. All the girls will be watching, so pull out that perfect smile every now and again.

 

Step 3

Regardless of how ripped you are, or how few muscles you have, a shirtless Facebook profile picture is essential. Make sure you look completely disinterested in life and stare the camera down. Add in a branded ball for effect. If you really want to go all out, get a jock friend to snap a picture of you playing a sport.

 

Step 4

Talk regularly about your gyming and sporting exploits. Make sure to emphasise how difficult the activity was and then add that it was a breeze for you. Be careful not to overdo this step as it may cause girls with brains to evacuate faster than an overthrown dictator.

 

Step 5

Use words like bro, naught, and chick, regularly.

 

Step 6

If you aren’t keen on being an overweight jock, then exercise will become essential. If you do any form of exercise ensure it is shirtless and that you are wearing branded sportswear.

 

That’s it. Follow those 6 simple steps and you’re on your way to becoming a jock and scoring the girl. You’re welcome.

I’m reading a book

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

Reading is something I treasure. I love to read stories of great adventures or humorous characters. Unfortunately, thanks to years of studying school text books, three of which centred around accounting, I have come to loath the very same thing I love. What I would do as a relaxing past time becomes a chore when you’re reading about the accounting of revenue for thirty pages.

It brings up an important question. Why is reading text books so boring? Don’t point fingers at those poor accounting fools because they aren’t the only ones to blame. It appears to be a trend amongst text book writers to attempt everything in their power to put you to sleep within the first few lines. Do they think that by dragging everything out and saying it in the most pompous way they’ll make us all more intelligent?

Think about this. When you watch law or medical programs on TV, you begin to pick up on the lingo, and even learn some of the subject matter. The same happens when reading Sci-Fi books. All of this learning is happening under the guise of entertainment. What if, just what if, we could learn like this for everything? It doesn’t mean we would never have to put any effort in, but simply unmask the interesting things that we’re learning and make us want to learn them. Who knows what we could accomplish.

Here’s a brilliant YouTube video from a fellow book lover: