Although most would deny it, becoming a jock is on the top of everybody’s to do list. Most are just too lazy to follow through. If, however, you’ve decided enough is enough, this list of essentials on how to become a jock will help you achieve your goal.

Step 1

Make sure you have a gym contract. Go to the gym once or twice a week and pretend to work out. A little sweat is recommended for full effectiveness. If you are too lazy to work one up, take a walk passed the water fountain and splash some water onto yourself.

Step 2

Catch a tan. Nobody believes a ripped guy is a jock if he’s paler then St Teresa. Go to the beach. This is the perfect spot to show off your jock skills and get a tan. Pull out a ball, and kick it to a jock friend at short distances. This will ensure you don’t do anything stupid like drop the ball. All the girls will be watching, so pull out that perfect smile every now and again.

Step 3

Regardless of how ripped you are, or how few muscles you have, a shirtless Facebook profile picture is essential. Make sure you look completely disinterested in life and stare the camera down. Add in a branded ball for effect. If you really want to go all out, get a jock friend to snap a picture of you playing a sport.

Step 4

Talk regularly about your gyming and sporting exploits. Make sure to emphasise how difficult the activity was and then add that it was a breeze for you. Be careful not to overdo this step as it may cause girls with brains to evacuate faster than an overthrown dictator.

Step 5

Use words like bro, naught, and chick, regularly.

Step 6

If you aren’t keen on being an overweight jock, then exercise will become essential. If you do any form of exercise ensure it is shirtless and that you are wearing branded sportswear.

That’s it. Follow those 6 simple steps and you’re on your way to becoming a jock and scoring the girl. You’re welcome.