I was dragged through some arty shops today, and strangely found myself enjoying it. Any excuse to stay away from the studying has become the oasis to my desert. In one of these shops I stumbled upon a collection of cards by Redback Cards and WulffmorgentHaler. They are brilliantly funny, so much so that I just had to buy one. Below is the one I bought. You can visit their website here.
I so want to ride this lift. Watch Fanta make every bodies day.
These along with the awesome open happiness trucks are just amazing marketing. Whatever team is behind it, you guys rock.
Although most would deny it, becoming a jock is on the top of everybody’s to do list. Most are just too lazy to follow through. If, however, you’ve decided enough is enough, this list of essentials on how to become a jock will help you achieve your goal.
Step 1
Make sure you have a gym contract. Go to the gym once or twice a week and pretend to work out. A little sweat is recommended for full effectiveness. If you are too lazy to work one up, take a walk passed the water fountain and splash some water onto yourself.
Step 2
Catch a tan. Nobody believes a ripped guy is a jock if he’s paler then St Teresa. Go to the beach. This is the perfect spot to show off your jock skills and get a tan. Pull out a ball, and kick it to a jock friend at short distances. This will ensure you don’t do anything stupid like drop the ball. All the girls will be watching, so pull out that perfect smile every now and again.
Step 3
Regardless of how ripped you are, or how few muscles you have, a shirtless Facebook profile picture is essential. Make sure you look completely disinterested in life and stare the camera down. Add in a branded ball for effect. If you really want to go all out, get a jock friend to snap a picture of you playing a sport.
Step 4
Talk regularly about your gyming and sporting exploits. Make sure to emphasise how difficult the activity was and then add that it was a breeze for you. Be careful not to overdo this step as it may cause girls with brains to evacuate faster than an overthrown dictator.
Step 5
Use words like bro, naught, and chick, regularly.
Step 6
If you aren’t keen on being an overweight jock, then exercise will become essential. If you do any form of exercise ensure it is shirtless and that you are wearing branded sportswear.
That’s it. Follow those 6 simple steps and you’re on your way to becoming a jock and scoring the girl. You’re welcome.
Before anybody gets smart, I’m referring to the ever popular social networking website Twitter, a place where a giant popularity contest is underway for the most followers.
Here are 10 reasons people aren’t following you on Twitter, or the ten reasons I unfollow people on twitter.
1. You are constantly tweeting about the mundane including the weather, your hatred of life, or that you spilt coffee on yourself.
2. You RT every idiotic person you follow, adding in a LOL or, even worse, LMFAO.
3. You can’t spell or create grammatically correct sentences.
4. You tweet in relays of 20, filling up your follower’s timeline with garbage.
5. You never tweet at all.
6. You consistently tweet every famous person you follow, filling up everybody else’s entire twitter stream.
Beliebers are addicted to doing this, with tweets like, “@JustinBieber OMB, you’re sooooo hot. Can I be your One Less Lonely Girl?” I’ll be the first to admit Justin Bieber is a catch, that’s why most of us guys are ridiculously jealous of him. If Justin Bieber is the only reason you’re on Twitter, that’s fine, but don’t expect non Bieber fanatics to follow you.
7. You ignore followers who send you @replies.
I understand that many @replies don’t need to be answered or the person is saying something not worth answering, but if people are making decent comments or asking good questions REPLY! This doesn’t mean you should have a ten page long conversation, but at least one reply every now and again to show you care would be nice. If you only have 100 followers, don’t act like you don’t see the one lonely @reply. When you have five million, we’ll talk again.
8. You write an essay over fifteen tweets.
That’s the beauty of twitter. It’s short and to the point. If you want to write something that won’t fit in a 140 character tweet get a blog and tweet a link to your ramblings.
9. You consistently ask what a trending topic means.
There are entire websites dedicated to giving you the answer to this. Even better is browsing through the public tweets and working it out for yourself.
10. You’re so desperate for more followers you read this list.
Stop trying to get followers. If you’re good they’ll come. At least, that’s what people keep telling me. My tweets are life changing and I have less followers than most of the girls tweeting about their teachers wonky eye.
Follow me. Please… 0_o
