I was dragged through some arty shops today, and strangely found myself enjoying it. Any excuse to stay away from the studying has become the oasis to my desert. In one of these shops I stumbled upon a collection of cards by Redback Cards and WulffmorgentHaler. They are brilliantly funny, so much so that I just had to buy one. Below is the one I bought. You can visit their website here.
A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enrol their son in a private Catholic school.
After the first day, the boy’s parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room – with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card. The boy walked in with his report card — unopened — laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red “A” under the subject of MATH.
Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son’s room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. “Was it the nuns that did it?,” the father asked. The boy only shook his head and said, “No.” “Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?” “No.” “The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?”
“Nope,” said the son. “On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy they nailed to the ‘plus sign,’ I just knew they meant business!”
MELANIE (5) asked her gran how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Said Melanie, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six”
STEVEN (3) hugged and kissed his mom goodnight. “I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”
BRITTANY (4) had earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”
SUSAN (4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “it makes my teeth cough.”
MARC (4) was engrossed in a young couple who were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:
“Why is he whispering in her mouth?”
CLINTON (5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, “I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?”
The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
“No sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.”
Bobby Brown finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how he did in his exam, for that he replied “The exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought and at last I wrote THUNK!!!”
