At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it, “in.”
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone is over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
In the memo field of all your cheques, write “for smuggling diamonds.”
Finish all your sentences with, “in accordance with the prophecy.”
Don’t use any punctuation.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
Specify that your drive-through order is, “to go.”
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme?
Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
Have your colleagues address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
When the money comes out the ATM, scream’ “I Won, I Won!”
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the car park, yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
Tell your children over dinner that, due to the economy downturn, you will have to let one of them go.
It’s the middle of winter, you probably haven’t looked at your pool in months and you’re probably afraid to. You’ve got no pool cover, nor have you even thought about installing one. Ignorance is bliss, and so is denial for that matter. Here are the top 5 signs that you need to really clean your pool.
You produce a R100 note instead of your drivers licence when stopped by a traffic officer.
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
Had to sit down while urinating.
