Below are some kids that deserve medals for their brilliance. Teachers are always asking us stupid questions, sometimes they deserve stupid answers:
Archive for the ‘Teachers’ Category
Teachers say the darnedest things
Sunday, January 25th, 2009Forget kids, teachers say the darnedest things. We have compiled a list from real life lines that high school students have heard their teachers say. Being the sophisticated people we are, we gave the context of the situation – which only makes it even more hysterical. It seems biology teachers say allot of weird things.
Some of these require a bit of thought to see the irony in what is being said.
| Subject | Saying | Reason |
| Biology Teacher | “I’m not absolutely perfect, and I’m tired of you thinking I am!” | The class was asking questions about the work we were doing |
| “It doesn’t make a Vas Deference but the answer is Vas Deference” | Marking work, Vas Deference was the answer | |
| “Do you have a goldfish? Who has a goldfish? You must get a goldfish.” | Random | |
| “When I say close your eyes, it means keep quiet.” | Telling people not to talk | |
| “Please don’t do that or I will stand on you!” | Doesn’t want back-chat | |
| “I’m going to tell your father, and then I’m going to pinch you and push you and punch you! Would you like that?” | To a student whose father is on the governing body! | |
| “Ah excuse me, but don’t shush me!” | Pupil shushes teacher, she doesn’t know who it was! | |
| “You can plug in your music and listen to it, you can try, but I’ll take it away from you” | Caught somebody listening to music in class | |
| “You can’t fit an elephant in a uno!” | Reason for why you can’t do so many things at once. | |
| “Oh goody boo!” | Talking about exams | |
| “Chris what was your exam mark?”
“83% mam.” “Yes I Know.” |
Talking about exams | |
| “Don’t miss this Elvis!” | Trying to get a pupil’s attention | |
| “Yes, I don’t like Michael Jackson.” | Asked about her views on M.J’s trial | |
| “Teachers are predictable.” | Talking about exams | |
| “A teacher is not responsible for educating learners with all knowledge” | Class not working, trying to encourage them to work by themselves | |
| “Small cells not large ones.” | Explaining cells | |
| “Your hands are up, I don’t understand.” | People need to ask questions | |
| “You may not leave the classroom with my permission.” | People want to leave | |
| “Put your hand down I don’t like that.” | People need to ask questions | |
| “You have four minutes detention and I’ll give you double detention if you carry on talking” | People are talking in class | |
| “Look at me cause it’s a bit hard this.” | People are sitting with their backs towards her | |
| Afrikaans Teacher | “I do not keep quite when I’m talking” | Shouting at class. Meant to say, “Keep quite I am talking!” |
| Maths Teacher | “If life was fair, I would have been born a man!” | Whenever anybody would say that something’s not fair. |
| Science Teacher | “Mr Stocks is begging for extra English lessons.” | Shouting at the class to be quite. Mr Stocks was an English teacher. |
| Afrikaans Teacher | “Don’t ask me any questions because I won’t answer them!” | Tired of people asking her questions! |
| English Class Student | “Not after school mam, I need to have a sleep” | Excuse about a forum meeting practice |
| English Teacher | “You are being naughty I feel like hitting you” | Getting Frustrated |
Why English teachers die young
Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had a eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River .
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
