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Last year, my friend Msizi and I were walking along the beach discussing the influx of overweight people around us. We were joking around about discriminating against them and not allowing them on the beach, and that’s when the name popped out, ‘Fat Free Beaches.’ When I got home it got me thinking. We’re so obsessed with being thin, or fit. In the past, it was considered beautiful to be overweight. Thanks to increased health awareness we know its better not to be, but society has taken it too far with young guys and girls now obsessed with being fit or thin. Guys are taking all sorts of weird and wonderful substances to build muscles whilst girls aren’t eating in the hope of keeping off the pounds. At the same time being fat is still bad for you, but we as people can’t seem to find balance.
Comedy is one of the greatest ways to tackle issues from all sides, to show people just how ridiculous we are without preaching to them. Instead it highlights issues by making people laugh. That is exactly the purpose of this video. The video throws in political references and balances things out with Jock free beaches for maximum discrimination.
Byron Langley is a friend of mine from youth who got a kick start to his acting career in Spud: The Movie. We had been talking about doing a Srizzil video since December last year, in fact I had written the Fat Free Beaches Script with him in mind, but it took us five months to finally get together and film it.
Byron brought his high school friend Willem Nieman, a comedy legend of Glenwood High’s stage, to add some spice to the video. Throw in some help from dynamite Mandy Rothquel and Msizi Hadebe and you have a winning team. Msizi took the honours of the voice over and, I’m sure you’ll agree, did a fantastic job getting overexcited about such a horrible product.
Special thanks to Gary Friedman and Susan Foster for allowing us to use their dog Max. It’s a beautiful thing that complete strangers can be so willing to help out. You can see Max chasing Willem (Jeff 2) in the background of one of the shots. Max is official Fat Free Beaches security.
Although most would deny it, becoming a jock is on the top of everybody’s to do list. Most are just too lazy to follow through. If, however, you’ve decided enough is enough, this list of essentials on how to become a jock will help you achieve your goal.
Step 1
Make sure you have a gym contract. Go to the gym once or twice a week and pretend to work out. A little sweat is recommended for full effectiveness. If you are too lazy to work one up, take a walk passed the water fountain and splash some water onto yourself.
Step 2
Catch a tan. Nobody believes a ripped guy is a jock if he’s paler then St Teresa. Go to the beach. This is the perfect spot to show off your jock skills and get a tan. Pull out a ball, and kick it to a jock friend at short distances. This will ensure you don’t do anything stupid like drop the ball. All the girls will be watching, so pull out that perfect smile every now and again.
Step 3
Regardless of how ripped you are, or how few muscles you have, a shirtless Facebook profile picture is essential. Make sure you look completely disinterested in life and stare the camera down. Add in a branded ball for effect. If you really want to go all out, get a jock friend to snap a picture of you playing a sport.
Step 4
Talk regularly about your gyming and sporting exploits. Make sure to emphasise how difficult the activity was and then add that it was a breeze for you. Be careful not to overdo this step as it may cause girls with brains to evacuate faster than an overthrown dictator.
Step 5
Use words like bro, naught, and chick, regularly.
Step 6
If you aren’t keen on being an overweight jock, then exercise will become essential. If you do any form of exercise ensure it is shirtless and that you are wearing branded sportswear.
That’s it. Follow those 6 simple steps and you’re on your way to becoming a jock and scoring the girl. You’re welcome.
That’s right, you’re not alone. I too am an expert procrastinator when it comes to studying those boring subjects. The cool subjects are always easy. You already know most of the stuff because it was interesting enough to keep your attention in class. The boring ones aren’t so easy, and when you’re doing your honours in accounting it’s verging impossible.
However, every so often, I break the bounds and perform that verging impossible task of studying. Unfortunately it never adds up to enough, but it’s the thought that counts right? Nope, nobody cares about what you thought. They just want results. Lame.
Thankfully we have other things to do in life that make it more interesting than sleep, eat, study and exercise. OK, if you’re fat you can probably take off the last bit, although perhaps you should seriously consider adding it, your call.
This week included an excursion to the beach to test out a different studying environment. Although it was surprisingly successful, it still couldn’t subtract from the horror of death taxes. To celebrate my parents 23rd anniversary we went to watch a very good comedian at a nearby theater. It was good to laugh so much. A simple person tried to get onto the stage at one point. Sad, but completely hysterical to watch.
Also on the agenda is a name change for my church. It’s a pretty big deal. All five sites are joining for a celebratory service and I got roped into rapping a verse in the kid’s song. It’s actually lots of fun, although watching back the vlog footage I have many awkward moments on stage when I get bored and start looking around like an A.D.D kid. You can hopefully look forward to the vlog on the Srizzil Extra channel soon. UPDATE: Watch the vlog here.
This week, as with every other, I plan to achieve the miraculous and get all my studying done on schedule. Wish me luck.
I’ve got that horrifying back to school feeling starting to tremble from the pit of my stomach with less than two days until vacation work begins. Not a moment after I shall be hurtling myself into the world of honours and this time I’ll be going it alone. Good riddance to the lacklustre Varsity College, hello independence. As usual I’m in two minds over the work experience. It’s really luck of the draw on what type of people you’ll be with and the company they’ll be working with so I’m holding thumbs and praying hard for a good two weeks.
This December holiday got off to a bang with interviews, camping and comedy and spun into reading excessively and rediscovering my PlayStation. For the few days of sunshine I managed to snag some beach time and ride to the top of good old Moses (The ever looming Moses Mabida Stadium). I watched more movies then I can remember and even managed to rediscover my tennis racket and play a game that my friend and I both forfeited at seven a piece.
These holidays have been simple, but pleasant. Society is constantly telling us that we’re missing something, that somebody somewhere is having more fun then us, and doing something better than us. Living with this ideology nagging at you ruins the beauty of life. If anything, this working/studying year should be about finding happiness in what you have instead of constantly searching for it.
The season of family, friends, and insane shopping is reaching its peak for 2010. It’s the time of year where some families make their only trip to church, and churches everywhere sing carols and preach about Jesus’ birth. It’s a time where trolleys are filled with things people can’t afford and cues spiral along the shopping centre floors. It’s a time of year which is aptly referred to as the silly season.
Silly as people may get, it’s a special time of year. One where we can spend time with the people we love, and be thankful for all that we have.
I would like to wish everybody a happy and blessed Christmas, may your heart be warmed, and your love replenished.
Although most would deny it, becoming a jock is on the top of everybody’s to do list. Most are just too lazy to follow through. If, however, you’ve decided enough is enough, this list of essentials on how to become a jock will help you achieve your goal.
That’s right, you’re not alone. I too am an expert procrastinator when it comes to studying those boring subjects. The cool subjects are always easy. You already know most of the stuff because it was interesting enough to keep your attention in class. The boring ones aren’t so easy, and when you’re doing your honours in accounting it’s verging impossible.
