KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
THE POPE: God knows.
POLICEMAN: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll know why.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
GEORGE W. BUSH (2): We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
NELSON MANDELA: Never again, will the chicken be questioned for crossing the road. This is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.
THABO MBEKI: We need to establish if really there is a connection between the chicken and the road.
MUGABE: For all of these years the road has been owned by the white farmers, the poor underprivileged chicken has waited too long for that road to be given to him and now he is crossing it in force with his fellow war veteran chickens. We intend taking over this road and giving it to the roadless chickens so that they can cross it without fear of retribution from Britain who promised money to institute road reform. We will not stop until all roadless chickens have roads to cross and the freedom to cross them.
ISAAC NEWTON: Any chicken in the universe shall always cross a road perpendicularly to the side of the road, and in an infinitely long straight line at uniform speed, unless the chicken stops due to an unbalanced reactive force in the opposite direction of the chicken’s motion.
ZANU (PF) Spokesman: The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don’t even have a single chicken in our country as the whole world knows. All the chickens were bought and consumed by the long-suffering masses at give-away prices when we sent out our comrades to enforce what our enemies are now unpatriotically and maliciously referring to as the largest closing down sale in the world.
JACOB ZUMA: I am gravely suspicious that this question is being asked with a malicious intention to trap me, send the Scorpions to raid my chicken run, haul me before the courts and charge me for sodomizing the chicken that walked across the road towards me as it was running away from an advancing light shower! Awuleth’ umshini wam’ ….!!!
“Well this day was a total waste of make-up”
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says: “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence.
