Posts Tagged ‘laugh’

Happy New Year 2010

Monday, December 28th, 2009

It’s that time of year. The more distinguished will pull out their note pads and write down their goals for the year ahead, everybody else will drink themselves silly and slur their plans to an unsuspecting stranger. It’s a worldwide tradition, and why not? Planning is important right?

In 2010 millions will plan to loose weight, some may loudly pronounce that this is the year they catch their long awaited gravy train, and some may just be excited for the Soccer World Cup. This may be the perfect time for me to stand up and shout, “as for me and my house, we’re gonna serve the Lord,” but I’ll refrain from being preachy or breaking out into Oh Happy Day.

Looking back and reflecting is always an interesting past time. To see how far you’ve come could fill you with pride or to see how low you’ve sunk could inspire you to do more. If you’re more of a pessimist you may cringe at lost time and angrily blame your great grandmother’s love for sleeping as your Achilles heel. To each his own.

For those of us that are currently floating along, disconnected from the matrix and oblivious to the world, this will be a new season of observing the strange normal people that surround us.

I guess what I’m trying to say, in a New York to London via Australia kind of way, is HAPPY NEW YEAR.

I look forward to a year of great opportunities, learning, and fun. I hope we continue to laugh together, whether the moment is happy or sad, and continue to live each day with a healthy zest for life.

To 2010, and beyond!

Marley and Me

Friday, March 13th, 2009

Review

Dog’s are arguably one of God’s greatest physical gifts to man kind. Those that have them know that no matter how much trouble they are they love you unconditionally. They don’t care if you’re rich or poor, smart or dumb, ugly or beautiful; you’re always the best thing in their eyes. This is the surface message of Marley and Me, but there’s so much more.

Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson star in a movie that will be adored by dog lovers everywhere. Successfully mixing comedy and drama in a two hour heart warming storing that’s deeper than you might expect. Great acting and brilliant direction gives this it a depth and uncompromising honesty. If you walk out this movie with dry eyes you probably don’t have a heart.

The chemistry between Aniston and Wilson is believable and entertaining but the real star of the film is Marley, affectionately labelled the worst dog in the world by his owners. The dog manages to cause every kind of trouble as this family goes through the ups and downs of life. Wilson’s character struggles between his wife, his kids, his work and his over active dog, thus creating a wonderful commentary on the juggle of work and home.

The movie isn’t perfect, at times opportunities for extreme laughter or heart wrenching moments are missed, but overall the movie is difficult not to love.

Chuck Norris Lines

Wednesday, December 24th, 2008

Chuck NorrisSome people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

In honour of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut

Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair.

Actual Mpumalanga (South African) Hospital Register entries.

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

HospitalThe patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 Kg weight gain in the past three days.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

Healthy appearing, decrepit 69-year old male: mentally alert but forgetful.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Skin: somewhat pale but present.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.