Posts Tagged ‘lazy’

How to become a jock

Monday, April 11th, 2011

Although most would deny it, becoming a jock is on the top of everybody’s to do list. Most are just too lazy to follow through. If, however, you’ve decided enough is enough, this list of essentials on how to become a jock will help you achieve your goal.

 

Step 1

Make sure you have a gym contract. Go to the gym once or twice a week and pretend to work out. A little sweat is recommended for full effectiveness. If you are too lazy to work one up, take a walk passed the water fountain and splash some water onto yourself.

 

Step 2

Catch a tan. Nobody believes a ripped guy is a jock if he’s paler then St Teresa. Go to the beach. This is the perfect spot to show off your jock skills and get a tan. Pull out a ball, and kick it to a jock friend at short distances. This will ensure you don’t do anything stupid like drop the ball. All the girls will be watching, so pull out that perfect smile every now and again.

 

Step 3

Regardless of how ripped you are, or how few muscles you have, a shirtless Facebook profile picture is essential. Make sure you look completely disinterested in life and stare the camera down. Add in a branded ball for effect. If you really want to go all out, get a jock friend to snap a picture of you playing a sport.

 

Step 4

Talk regularly about your gyming and sporting exploits. Make sure to emphasise how difficult the activity was and then add that it was a breeze for you. Be careful not to overdo this step as it may cause girls with brains to evacuate faster than an overthrown dictator.

 

Step 5

Use words like bro, naught, and chick, regularly.

 

Step 6

If you aren’t keen on being an overweight jock, then exercise will become essential. If you do any form of exercise ensure it is shirtless and that you are wearing branded sportswear.

 

That’s it. Follow those 6 simple steps and you’re on your way to becoming a jock and scoring the girl. You’re welcome.

People who say they don’t have time

Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

TimeTime is, as we say in economics, a scarce resource. It’s a very interesting resource too. Every single person in the world has exactly the same amount of time built into everyday. We all have to sleep, eat, drink, and a more arguably, get clean. But what makes people, who often seem the least busy, say they don’t have time?

My pet hate is asking somebody to do something and their reply is, “I don’t have time.” “Really,” I think but rarely say. So what about when you watched three hours of television last night and are most likely going to repeat tonight? What about that hour you spent on facebook? What about when you were sitting around all afternoon and doing nothing when school ended? Each individual will have their own additions to this and if you’re honest with yourself you know you are guilty sometimes of doing these things.

“So,” you are probably thinking, “don’t I also need time to relax and enjoy myself?” That’s a brilliant question, thanks for asking. Of course you do, but then don’t lie! When you say, “I don’t have time,” what you are really saying is, “I don’t want to do this for you because I am too lazy and self-centred. In fact I don’t really think you are important enough for me to even tell you the truth.”

Wow, I bet you never thought of that when you said it. To be honest it’s a polite way of saying, push off I’m not interested. Everybody has the same amount of time, and if you really want to do something for somebody you will ensure that – no matter the cost – you will schedule them into your day. The best is when you are relaxing at the beach with friends and they begin to talk about how busy they are and how hectic life is. Hello? You are sitting on the beach. If you were so busy I don’t think you would be here!

Next time you are about to tell somebody you are so busy, think again. There are probably people that are much busier than you. You probably don’t even know what busy means. Think about it, maybe if you spent less time telling people you are so busy you would have more time.