Those old people are always complaining, here they go again:
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes (look it up) about how hard things were when they were growing up. What with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning, uphill, both ways.
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay nonsense like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!
But now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the stupid library and look it up ourselves, in the
card catalogue! There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3′s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up!
We didn’t have fancy assistance like call waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it! And we didn’t have fancy caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you
just didn’t know. You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600, with games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘asteroids’. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination. And there were no multiple levels or screens it was just one screen forever! You could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only M-Net and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV guide to find out what was on! You had no chance when it came to channel surfing, you had to get off your behind and walk over to the TV to change the Channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little
brats!
And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove, imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid jiffy pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.
That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says: “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
