I never used to understand why people said life was complicated. To me, it seemed very simple. Wake up, go to school, learn, see friends, have fun, play sport, go home to family, sleep and repeat.

Life was good, maybe too good. I couldn’t relate to people’s hardship, their inability to see God or even why they didn’t like school. Sure, some lessons are boring, but friends were there to get you through. Now I understand.

It’s not that life is complicated, it’s us. People are complicated. I just got complicated. I have hopes and dreams that are bigger than me. Ideas far beyond what I can construct right now. Yet, here I sit. In lecture after lecture, being taught things I have no interest in. Have I given up on my dreams? No. Am I taking a safe route? No. I’m walking through the only door open right now, waiting for an escape, a window letting in some light, an opportunity to finally be me.

Unfortunately the only door available for me to walk through has thrown me off balance. I feel disconnected from life, floating arbly observing the mess, screaming for a way out. My mind wonders as the lectures drag on, my emotions rise as I begin to question all that I know.

What I had learnt in the good times was that hard times would come. It was imminent at some point. Yet I wasn’t ready, I couldn’t be ready for a pain so abstract it can’t be put into words. Confusion is the closest word in the English language that can describe my situation.

Why is this the only door open? What am I supposed to gain from doing these things? How do I stay positive when everything around me is negative? How do I get by before the opportunity of escape comes? More importantly, how do I enjoy this time even through struggle and how do I do it without regrets?