Posts Tagged ‘USA’

Stupid questions about South Africa

Monday, March 30th, 2009

South AfricaQuestions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking or sniffing.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)

A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get there and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-me-ri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Good examples of snakes as pets are mambas (both green and black), rinkhals and municipal workers.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

The Pink Panther 2

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009

Review

After the huge success of the first Pink Panther, and my absolute adoration for it, I had high hopes for the sequel. They had the right ingredients, a great cast, and a huge history to create a good story from but too my great dismay this sequel isn’t even slightly entertaining.

Filled with slap stick comedy and an extremely boring plot line the movie fails to take off before crashing miserably with a horrifically predictable ending. There’s no presence in the film because the actors are totally underutilised and diminished to stupid conversations about nothing. Gone is the originality and unpredictability of the first film. We know what’s coming and this time, it’s not funny.

The Pink Panther 2 can’t hold it’s own for a diverse audience anymore. It’s taken a step down and began catering for young kids with repeated pie in your face jokes that anyone over eight is officially sick of. I would like to speak to whoever came up with the script; they must have some serious form of writers block.

1/10

Slumdog Millionaire

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Review

As an aspiring film maker and a critic I sometimes forget what it is that makes me love movies, because seeing so many bad ones puts you off. Slumdog millionaire reignited that flame for me two fold. The movie is an inspiration to filmmaking, a masterpiece, a shining light in a dull room. If you watch one movie this year it has to be Slumdog Millionaire.

The story of a man who came from the slums of India to be on Who wants to be a Millionaire?. He’s just one question away from the twenty million rupee grand prize. However the authorities can’t see how a slumdog could know the answer to questions that doctors and lawyers couldn’t answer. They pull him in for questioning and an amazing life story unfolds before their eyes. Could it be that it’s this man’s destiny to win the grand prize?

From the opening minutes you can just feel that there’s something special about this movie. The cinematography is fantastic and the score awe inspiring but all of that is blown away by fantastic acting, especially from the kids, and an amazing story. I’ve said it countless times; many movies should never have left the screenplay stage. The screenplay is the most important thing. Without an amazing story you can’t get an amazing movie. What really brings this story to life is that it’s so real. It’s not trying to prove a point or change a perception, it’s telling an amazing story from start to finish.

That doesn’t mean to say the story isn’t done in style. Danny Boyle has put together an amazing movie and deserves all the recognition this film is giving him. The acting is raw, real and crisp. All the elements have come together perfectly.

Hollywood has forgotten to a large extent why movies are made. It’s not all about money; it’s about the age old art of telling great stories, where the tribe gathers around the fire to hear the best stories over and over again. This movie gets that right.

What makes this movie more real is the reality that this is a story that in actuality takes place in our own country, within our own townships. It tackles those universal questions of is it ever OK to do wrong and when will we ever get over our discrimination of all kinds?

This is a tribute to Indian film making and an honouring of the hard lives slumdogs live. It’s hard not to fall head over heals in love with Slumdog Millionaire.

Disciple

Tuesday, January 20th, 2009

Disciple“Wake up friend, it’s just one life, it’s not too late, your ride is far from over!” is just one of many inspiring lines by the Christian heavy rock band, Disciple. Based in the USA, Disciple works hard to bring meaningful music to hundreds of thousands of fans across the world.

The band was founded by guitarist Brad Noah in 1992, and released their first album three years later, entitled ‘What was I Thinking’. They were then signed by Warner Resound, and released a further two albums over the next four years. In these years, they moved on to record under the label Rugged Records.

Their popularity only boomed, however, with the release of their fourth album, By God, which went on to win the Inspirational Life Award in 2001. By God earned them two Christian Rock chart toppers, and two Dove Awards nominations. After this, they established their own record label called Slain Records, and acquired a new bassist, while working on a new project entitled Back Again. Back Again was released in 2003, and sported a further two number one Christian rock hits.

After two years of recording, touring, and performing, Disciple released a new, self-titled album. The album was their most successful at the time, and was nominated for two Dove Awards, with three songs making the number one spot on the Christian rock charts. If this seemed like a hard act to follow, Disciple were up to the challenge, producing an all-new album called Scars Remain, with its best performing song being After the World, which finished as the 8th most-played Christian rock song of 2007.

Early in 2008, the band saw a makeover with two members leaving, including the founding lead guitarist, and three new members were added to the bands’ setup.
Although the vocalist remained, the change brought a new, reformed instrumental sound to the band, which, if anything, seemed to enhance their sound. This certainly shows in their latest release entitled Southern Hospitality, which is spreading into fans’ CD players and iPods like wildfire.

On the bands website, www.disciplerocks.com, the lyricist describes the bands’ lyrics as following their own circumstances and stories in life. It is most certainly for this reason that so many people relate to the songs they sing, and be as passionate as they are about Disciple’s music. And why shouldn’t they? The lyrics are musically good, biblically accurate, inspirational, and relate to the situations most people find themselves in. Their music repertoire consists of songs ranging from soft to hardcore rock, showing off their versatility as artists, and meaning that there is something in their music for everyone.

Information: www.Disciplerocks.com

GOLDFISH

Friday, January 9th, 2009

South African music is rarely huge. We don’t pour out artists like the USA or the UK, and as customers we seem to prefer buying international artists’ music. But things are slowly beginning to turn a new corner. South African music is different; it has something that the world doesn’t. And as our artists grow with the South African music industry new talented artists are emerging that are ready to take the world stage. One of those artists is Goldfish.

GoldFish

Two Jazz musos hook up while studying music at varsity, and form a live electronic duo. They record an album themselves with little more than a double bass, a saxophone and a couple of synths. This self-released ‘underground’ album, Caught in the loop, goes on to propel them into the stratosphere, with a cult-like following and numerous #1s in their home country.

They take their incendiary multiple-instrument live act across the globe, with sold-out shows from Ibiza to Tokyo, from Dubai to Cannes. They open for giants Fatboy Slim, Mr Scruff, The Audio Bullys, Paul van Dyk, Pete Tong and Stereo MC’s. They are hailed as the Re-invention of the DJ, and voted best live act in South Africa.

GoldFish

This is Dominic Peters and David Poole, the unassuming surfer/jazz muso/electronic maniacs that are Goldfish. You couldn’t find two guys more passionate about music, and if you’ve seen their live show, you will agree that ‘Re-invention of the DJ’ is about as close as you can get to describing what they do. Combining live instruments like Double bass, Saxophones, Keyboards, Flute, and Vocals with Samplers, Effects, Synths and a healthy dollop of freeform improvisation, Goldfish have hit a nerve on dance floors across the world.

After the smash success of Caught in the loop, Goldfish return with a sophomore album that without doubt will rock the South African music scene to its foundations. This duo have spent the last couple of years pretty much coming from an underground electronica act in South Africa for people-in-the-know, to a full blown white-hot international act – right under everyone’s noses. Having been quietly chipping away, touring South Africa as well as internationally through Japan, Dubai, US, UK, Ibiza, France and Spain – building an unstoppable groundswell of fans, the duo have just signed their new album to the massive nightlife and super club brand Pacha. This alignment is set to whisk the duo beyond South Africas’ borders with tour dates already booked across America alongside Macy Gray and Fedde Le Grande, as well as a residency on Friday nights at Pacha Ibiza throughout the European summer.

Gold Fish

The new album, Perceptions of Pacha features smash-hits This is how it goes and Cruising through, already being picked up on by European Radio stations. With a gorgeous, unmistakeable sound that is so intrinsically South African but with an international appeal and polish, the duo have hit a nerve amongst music lovers across all genres. Goldfish truly have a sound that crosses over the Dance divide. Known fondly just as the ‘Fishies’ to their legions of loyal fans, it is undeniable that the incredible talent these two qualified multi-instrumentalist Jazz musicians have (both have a Masters and Bachelors in Jazz studies), has shaped their sound. Perceptions of Pacha is a masterclass in combining House, Lounge, Electro, Jazz, and African styles – using traditional live instruments like Double bass, Saxophones, Keyboards, Flute, and Vocals, into a feel-good sound you just can’t put you finger on.  Mastered in the London by Soundmasters International (Fatboy Slim, Moby, Depeche Mode) the album features 12 brand new tracks as well as a 25 minute live video enhancement featuring Goldfish burning up a live set. Now, Sony/BMG South Africa has proudly signed Goldfish for Southern Africa, and is set to take Goldfish to superstar status in their home country.

Praise for Goldfish

“One of the first acts to truly jump the great divide between dance and live excitement” – 24.com

“Make no mistake, these boys are gonna to be BIG! The two multi-instrumentalists captivate the crowd, and have the UK contingent scratching their heads and saying to each other ‘we’ve got to get these boys over to Europe…’  Essential.” – TrusttheDJ.com

“GOLDFISH … store that name in your memory for longer than 3 seconds, cause these guys are going places.” – Thunda.com

“That was fantastic!” – Pete Tong

From a technical point of view what Goldfish does is blinding…and the fact that they have combined this with catchy hooks and licks makes it doubly so. A brilliant night out! – thechiz.co.za

“The duo are the closest thing celebrity-dry South African music culture has to offer the globe in terms of recognisable, press-heavy popular icons. No. The duo are full-blown popular icons, and whether you’re a sideline fan, appreciative musician or a crazed groupie, you’ll find a way to give the Fish props.”

Overtone.co.za

“This album shows that heavy jazz cats can make music that is accessible and bursting with groove” – MIO.co.za

“Did I mention there are only two of them? Go see a live set, and then buy the disc at the show along with the bonus DVD. You will thank me.” -  Blunt magazine

“We dig these guys!” FHM

“With Goldfish, you can clearly see they are brilliant. There is nothing like playing a classic instrument to prove you’re a real artist, and people thrive off this element of their show. In fact, unless you are standing right up in the front row, you wouldn’t be able to grasp the full complexity of what they are doing…Goldfish are breaking traditional mindsets about this music genre” – Durbanscouts.co.za

‘Their musical class shines through with elements of Nu-Jazz and traditional African Jazz mixing brilliantly with bluesy Café jazz ala St Germain. But they’re no copycats. Goldfish has their own sound and it is wonderfully South African with the sophistication of Europe.” – BPM magazine

“GOLDFISH are without doubt the most exciting live band in the country at the moment. Their unique blend of deep house grooves, live instruments and hypnotic vocal samples have made them the must-see band of the year.” Anythinggoes.co.za

Goldfish Highlights:

GoldFishVoted Number One live act in South Africa by 24.com

Invitation to perform for Nelson Mandela and his charity 46664 @ Ellis Park

Goldfish featured on the worlds biggest syndicated Dance Radio Show, Pete Tong’s Essential Mix BBC One show

NO#1 on 5FM with track All Night for three consecutive weeks, and 20 weeks in the top 25.

Performances alongside Fatboy Slim, Audio Bullys and Stereo MC’s

International releases of Caught in the loop by Black Mango Music(UK) and Rambling Records(Japan)

Opening Performance for Mr Scruff and Paul van Dyk

Opening Performance for Pete Tong at Café Mambo, Ibiza

All Night hits No 1 on MFM dance charts 3 weeks running (April 2006)

International performances/tours of US, UK, Ibiza, Dubai, Japan, France, South Africa, Namibia, Malawi, and Seychelles

Live 2hr Mix on Top SA radio station 5fm New Years Eve 2006

Voted FHM album of the month

Goldfish voted No 1 in Elle Magazine hot 40

September/October 2005 Cover of BPM magazine.

Cover of Brand Magazine 2006 1st quarter Featuring the artwork, design and branding of Caught in the loop

Track Mbira Beat selected by Virgin Mega store in the UK to feature on the compilation entitled staff choice: Virgin down tempo Grooves.

Invitation to perform in Cannes, France, as Headline Act of the International Advertising Awards, The Lions

Interview in DJ MAG(UK) December 2005

Dream released on Breathe Sunshine vol.2 – track 4 (  voted 4th best compilation by UK music festival and website – The Big Chill)

For South African Bookings contact:

Raymond Bloom 0836020202

rayb@mweb.co.za