Posts Tagged ‘water’
If Apple Made Water
Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011Driving Through the Desert
Thursday, March 26th, 2009
A lawyer, a doctor, and a redneck were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.
A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the lawyer top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the lawyer was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, “Hi there…what are you doing carrying a glass of water through the desert?”
The lawyer explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that’s why he was carrying the water.
A little while later the rancher noticed the doctor walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. “What are you doing?” asked the rancher again.
As before, the doctor explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that’s why he had the bread.
Finally the redneck appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, “Hey, why are you dragging that car door?”
“Well,” said the redneck, “I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I’ll roll down the window.”
Ever Wondered
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
If you can cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in”… but it’s only a “penny” for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss South Africa?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Doctor, Doctor
Saturday, January 31st, 2009
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says: “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers: “Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?”
The doctor replies,
“You’re not drinking enough water.”
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups.
The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.
“What the heck did you do that for!?!” the man screams.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore do you?”
The man says, “No I don’t, you IDIOT… But my wife out in the car still does!”
Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses. You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do? Use a pencil until I get there
Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a bell? Take these and if it doesn’t help give me a ring!
Doctor, Doctor I think I’m suffering from Deja Vu! Didn’t I see you yesterday?
