Posts Tagged ‘wife’

Doctor, Doctor

Saturday, January 31st, 2009

DoctorA man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says: “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers: “Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?”
The doctor replies,
“You’re not drinking enough water.”
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups.
The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.
“What the heck did you do that for!?!” the man screams.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore do you?”
The man says, “No I don’t, you IDIOT… But my wife out in the car still does!”

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses. You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do? Use a pencil until I get there

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a bell? Take these and if it doesn’t help give me a ring!

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m suffering from Deja Vu! Didn’t I see you yesterday?

A Boy & Math

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008

MathA ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enrol their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy’s parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room – with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.

This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card. The boy walked in with his report card — unopened — laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red “A” under the subject of MATH.

Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son’s room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. “Was it the nuns that did it?,” the father asked. The boy only shook his head and said, “No.” “Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?” “No.” “The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?”

“Nope,” said the son. “On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy they nailed to the ‘plus sign,’ I just knew they meant business!”

How To enjoy Life In The Rain

Saturday, March 29th, 2008

Loving the RainIt was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80′s arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.

He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch, and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health; he told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer’s disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognised him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, ‘And you still go every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are’?

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, ‘She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is.’

I had to hold back tears as the left; I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, ‘That is the kind of love I want in my life.’

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

‘Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to enjoy it in the rain.’

Kids say the funniest things

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008

Boy LaughingMELANIE (5) asked her gran how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Said Melanie, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six”

STEVEN (3) hugged and kissed his mom goodnight. “I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”

BRITTANY (4) had earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”

SUSAN (4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “it makes my teeth cough.”

MARC (4) was engrossed in a young couple who were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:
“Why is he whispering in her mouth?”

CLINTON (5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, “I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?”

Who should brew the coffee?

Thursday, February 7th, 2008

CoffeeA man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

The husband said, “You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

His wife replies, “No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

Her husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says…

“HEBREWS”